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Springtime and the Black Widow
| Pairing: |
Jack/Daniel Sam/male |
| Rating: |
18 |
| Warnings: |
Mention of het and non-con but not graphic. |
| Notes: |
Thanks to Raffie. |
| Word Count: |
1500 |
I have a problem, I am a colonel in the USAF and I am head
over heels in love with one Daniel Jackson. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was gay
then, regulations be dammed, at least we could do something about it but he’s
married, well was married, shit he’s a widower. Anyway I know he’s straight, so
I just have to make do with my right hand and some pretty hot and sexy dreams.
Today I am following the sexiest butt in the galaxy
through the stargate to a peaceful little planet to explore some old ruin.
Suddenly we are surrounded by a horde of natives carrying garlands of flowers
and the next minute it looks like we have just arrived at Honolulu and been
greeted by some extremely enthusiastic lei givers. The effect on the owner of
the sexiest butt in the galaxy is virtually immediate as he explodes in to a
series of sneezes.
After he recovers from his sneezing fit Daniel launches
into the peaceful explorers talk, which, for once, is greeted with smiles
instead of some goon waving a weapon at us. Unfortunately the friendly natives
take the object of my lust away for some in depth talks leaving the rest of us
trying to make nice with the lei givers.
At last Daniel returns from his talks and he’s got a
quirky smile on his face.
“What’s up flower boy?” I ask.
He gives me that ‘drop dead Jack’ look for inflicting
another nickname on him before replying, “Well it seems we have arrived in time
for the vernal equinox and the fertility ceremony.”
“So what have venereal equines got to do with us?”
He gives me another dirty look for my deliberate
misunderstanding. “As guests through the gate of the gods some of us have to
offer a sexual act to ensure the growth of crops for the year. Oh and before
anyone suggests we gate home, they have removed a couple of crystals from the
DHD and we don’t get them back until after the performance.”
Okay I see the eager look Carter gives me and I so do not
want to have sex with her. Nor do I want Danny-boy to either. Then inspiration
hits like a thunderbolt. “Well no one is humping Carter. It is too dammed
dangerous.”
She gives me a hurt look as she asks, “Why?”
“Carter everyone who has sex, or even thinks of having
sex, with you dies. I am fond of this life, Daniel is pretty good at dying
without any help and Hammond would tear me a new one if I let the only Jaffa we
have take the risk.”
“Well, one of you will have to have sex with me as I am
the only female you’ve got,” she argues.
Daniel does that raising finger act that makes him look
like a little schoolboy wanting to ask teacher a question. “Umm well they did
say they wouldn’t object to same sex unions.”
That’s done it, Carter is sitting with the stunned guppy
look, and my dick has just realized that my dreams of have wild abandoned sex
with Daniel might come true and is rising to the occasion.
Of course Carter has a reason why that is not going to
happen. “Sir no one should hump Daniel as everyone he has sex with gets snaked.”
Daniel does the raised finger thing again, before
correcting her, “Not true, what about Shyla or Melosha?”
That’s right Daniel keep reminding everyone that you’re
Doctor Jackson intergalactic stud muffin and I might just kill anyone who ever
even looks at you.
Carter stalks off in a snit because she now knows no-one
is going to hump her.
Before I can volunteer to be Daniel’s partner in the
ceremony Teal’c bows formally and, in that deep serious voice of his, intones,
“I would be honored to hump you DanielJackson.”
Now Daniel has the stunned guppy look and I race to his
rescue, “Ah Teal’c no offense but we have seen you in the showers and I’d rather
like Daniel to be able to walk away from the ceremony.”
“If you are suggesting that my phallic organ may be too
large for DanielJackson’s anal orifice then he may hump me instead.”
So now I’m the one with the stunned guppy look.
Fortunately Daniel has an answer for this, “It’s very thoughtful of you Teal’c
but I don’t do threesomes and you, me and Junior just won’t work for me.”
Well done Danny-boy!
I quickly confirm that I, too, do not do threesomes.
Daniel smiles at me, “Well Jack are you going to be the
humper or the humpee?”
Now that is not what I expected. In my dreams I have
always been the humper. With my Iraqi history being a humpee is a source of
nightmares.
Daniel must have seen my moment of doubt because he puts
his hand to my cheek as he whispers. “It’s all right Jack you can hump me, I
understand.”
How can I not love a man who will do this for me?
Now Daniel starts going through the pockets of his vest
obviously searching for something. When he is unsuccessful he starts going
through his pack throwing all sorts of things on the ground. Why anyone needs
six notebooks for a supposedly one day mission I will never understand, and
three spare socks, not a pair or two pairs, Daniel has three different
individual socks in his pack. At last he grins in triumph as he waves a tube of
sunscreen at me.
“Factor fifteen Daniel I thought I told you to always use
factor 50 when we are off world.”
Oh boy he’s giving me that look again. “Does it really
matter Jack because where we’re putting it the sun doesn’t shine?”
That’s true but I am going to check his pack next time we
go off world just to make sure he’s got everything he should have.
At last we are ready but as we get up to go and find the
priest, so I can realize my dream of a lifetime, Carter comes running up waving
the two crystals from the DHD.
“It’s all right you two don’t have to have sex I’ve sorted
it all out.”
Crap my dick heads for the ground in disappointment as my
chance of sex with Daniel disappears in a cloud of Carter type enthusiasm.
“What have you done Sam?” Daniel asks somewhat coldly.
“Well I went to disprove the colonel’s theory that all men
who have sex with me die and offered to have sex with the priest.”
“So you had sex with the priest and he gave you back the
crystals.” I state.
“Well not exactly we were just starting when he had a
heart attack and died. The people just want us to leave now before anyone else
dies.”
“You killed a priest!” Daniel is shocked.
Defensively she replies. “No he just died.”
Angrily Daniel pushes the sunscreen back into his pack and
stalks of towards the Stargate. Leaving Teal’c and Carter to gather up the rest
of our gear I run to catch up with him hoping to at least get him calmed down
before we gate home.
“I’m sorry about the priest Daniel but at least you won’t
have to go through with the man with man sex act.” I try to be understanding but
I am so angry with Carter.
He turns to me his whole body radiating anger. “It’s not
the priest I’m angry about Jack. It’s just that I thought just once I might have
been able to have sex with you, And Oh! I so wanted to have sex with you. Now
you know I love you Jack O’Neill. Don’t worry I’ll hand in my resignation
tomorrow.”
Right that’s it stunned guppy time again. Unfortunately I
can’t discuss it with him right now as Carter and Teal’c have caught up with us.
Carter quickly fixes the DHD and after she and Teal’c have
disappeared through the puddle I whisper into Daniel’s ear, “Don’t resign Daniel
we have a lot to discuss, my place tonight you get the pizza, I’ll get the
lube.”
His answering smile brings joy to my heart and sends blood
to my wayward dick.
It’s nighttime and in less than 24 hours I have gone from
being the most sexually frustrated man alive to being the most sexually
satisfied man alive. Daniel is an energetic and willing partner. He is the most
gorgeous humpee ever and I have fucked him through the mattress several times.
He also gives the most amazing blow jobs I have ever had. Eventually we lie
exhausted, content, sweaty and sated in each others arms. Those blue eyes look
into mine and he sighs.
“What’s the matter?” I ask.
“Oh I’m just sorry we can’t go back to that planet. The
midsummer orgy is meant to be the greatest.”
Damn Carter and her black widow complex.
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