|
October 2007 Challenge
by Emily
Title: [Seriously, don’t make me title this. Thinking of titles is the
bane of my existence. That and bananas. Let’s just call it ‘Emily’s October
Challenge Entry’.]
Rating: PG – I want to write hot, dirty sex, I really do!!! My fingers
simply refuse to type it! Damn you fingers! Damn you!!!
Word Count: 1200 (aside from double-jointed, I’m counting hyphenated
words as separate words…because I’m desperate).
Key Word/s used: double-jointed, nitrogen, rock (a bit of a cheat on
the particular definition on this one), segregate, mango, gel, discomfort,
plague, scandal, naked, recent, battlefield. I really couldn’t think how to
input vessel (especially using the ship definition) and while I could probably
find a way to add in addict and severe without too much trouble, I don’t think I
could squeeze out another 200 words. It’s a bit contrived at points as it is.
Note: This is more of a flow-of-consciousness piece of writing than
anything else. No plot, just a conversation between Jack and Daniel that they
might theoretically have. Using the October challenge words, of course. I should
probably take out a couple hundred words, but I was really trying to go for the
whole 1500. 1200 will have to do. It’s very tame because even thinking of
writing a sex scene makes me blush. So don’t go into this anticipating sex,
emotions, or an actual storyline. It’s just a bit of silliness. And there’s no
mention of Jack and Daniel being a pair. I’m so ashamed of myself for that.
*looks sheepish* This is an extra hard challenge for me because I HATE writing
dialogue. It always sounds so fake to me when I write it. So why I chose to
write a story consisting solely of dialogue, I have no idea.
“Hidilly-ho, Daniel!”
“Hi, Jack.”
“Have you been over to Carter’s lab lately?”
“Not recently. Why?”
“They’re all running around like some new ground-breaking theory of
astrophysical whatever has been uncovered. Giddy as school girls, every single
one of them. If I didn’t know any better I’d think someone has been pumping
nitrogen into the labs.”
“Then you obviously don’t know any better.”
“Huh?”
“Nitrous oxide, Jack. If someone was pumping straight nitrogen into the labs,
I think they’d be reacting in a much different manner.”
“Whatever. Whatcha reading?”
“I’m translating an old scroll SG-11 picked up on P5X-4587. To be honest,
it’s not very interesting. A little dry. I don’t even know why I’m bothering,
really. If it actually turns out to be of any importance whatsoever, I’ll be
shocked.”
“Yeah well, what do you expect? It’s old. You ever read any of those
so-called classics? B-O-R-I-N-G. And they’re only, like, what? Hundred years
old? Seriously though, do you ever read anything recent?”
“Well, new theories regarding the development of ancient civilizations are
being published all the time. I read those.”
“Oh, come on. You know what I mean, Daniel.”
“Yes, I know what you mean. And yes, I do read books written in modern times
that are not about archaeology or any other old and/or ancient subject. Just not
at work, unlike you. Speaking of taste in reading material, I don’t even want to
know what that book I caught you reading the other day is about. Granted, you
shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but what am I supposed to think when it
features an obviously double-jointed buxom maiden doing god-knows-what with an
alarmingly muscled man in the middle of what appears to be a much active
battlefield? The fact that you read bodice rippers seriously discomforts me,
Jack.”
“Hey, now! I’ll have you know that that is NOT a bodice ripper! It happens to
be a very manly action-packed book filled with blood, guts, and gore. It’s not
my fault the illustrator chose to illustrate the only scene in the book
involving hanky-panky. Besides, you gotta admit…she was hot.”
“She’s an illustration.”
“Doesn’t mean she’s not hot. Admit it, Daniel. Hot.”
“Illustration.”
“HOT.”
“I’ve seen better.”
“Oh, really? The ancient
We–Build–Way–Too–Many–Pots–Out–Of–Clay–And–Write–Boring-And–Useless–Stuff–On–Scrolls
people of P5X-4587 were skilled in pornography, were they? Or was that their
cousins the
We–Make–Giant–Tile–Mosaics–And-Don’t–Have–Any–Useful–Technology–To–Share people
of PU2-XXX that were the porno experts? I always get them mixed up.”
“Actually, you should see some of the carvings and drawings found at dig
sites. I once saw one set of drawings demonstrating how to make a gel-like
substance out of a mango.”
“What the hell’s so hot about that?”
“It then proceeded to demonstrate what to do with the gel in minute detail.”
“Which was what, exactly?”
“Let’s just say that more than one person was naked and your illustrator is
not the only artist capable of skillfully rendering double-jointedness. Although
in this case, the drawing was sans buxom maiden.”
“Hey, I thought you said multiple naked people were involved?”
“I did. There were.”
“Oh. Oh! Must have caused quite a scandal back in those days. Two weeks
detention for that bit of graffiti, eh?”
“Actually, many ancient cultures embraced homosexuality.”
“It sounds to me like they embraced a lot more than that. And how come we
never see any of this stuff at your briefings? They’d sure spice things up a
bit. There’d be a lot less heads hitting the table if you decided to share this
type of cultural knowledge, I can guarantee you that. Snoring would be at an all
time low.”
“Yes, Jack. The first topic I can think of that I’d love to share with a room
full of military personnel is definitely the homosexual practices of the
civilization I’m studying. ‘And in conclusion, gentlemen, I’d love an
opportunity to learn even more about this fascinating culture.’ As if there’s
not enough speculation running rampant about my sexual orientation as it is.”
“Daniel, people don’t think you’re gay. They just think you’re completely
uninterested in sex altogether.”
“That’s so comforting. Thank you for sharing.”
“Just saying.”
“So what if I was gay? Would that somehow make me less of an asset and more
of a risk? Nothing like rigid, amoral regulations to have intelligent
forward-thinking prospects avoid the military like the plague. After all, I
never thought I’d consider working for the military.”
“Did you just say that you’re gay?”
“I’m uninterested in sex altogether, Jack, remember?”
“But you do think you’re intelligent and forward-thinking?”
“Shut up, Jack.”
“Anyway, I actually came down here to ask you a serious question. Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be, I guess.”
“Okay, do you think Homer is as stupid as he lets on?”
“Homer? There’s speculation that he’s blind, but I don’t think anyone has
ever postulated that he’s stupid.”
“People think Homer’s blind??”
“Some people think it’s a possibility, yes. There are also those who think
he’s actually more than one person.”
“What, as in schizophrenic?”
“Huh? No, I mean literally more than one person.”
“Have these people ever actually sat down and watched the show?”
“What show?”
“What do you mean, what show? How many shows out there have a guy named
Homer?”
“You’re not talking about the author of The Illiad or The Odyssey, are you?”
“I already told you. Classics equal boring. Jesus, Daniel. Homer. The
Simpsons. SIMPSONS. D’oh! You know.”
“I can’t believe we’re actually having this conversation.”
“What conversation? I’d have more results talking with a rock. My God.”
“Yeah, now you know how I feel most of the time.”
“Hey. Carter’s not that dumb.”
“Very funny, Jack. And for the record, I have no idea if Homer is as stupid
as he lets on. Personally, I’ve always been more of a fan of Lisa.”
“Figures. Geek.”
“Let’s not forget that they’re not actually real people.”
“What is it with you and this hang-up on real people? Geez.”
“Is that seriously what you wanted to ask me?”
“Yeah. I was watching some re-runs the other night and it just came to me. I
don’t really think he’s that dumb.”
[Prolonged silence]
“Daniel? Why are you staring at me like that? Do you feel all right?”
“I was just hoping that nitrous oxide actually was being pumped into the
facility and this was all just a bad hallucination. No such luck.”
“Oh, fer cryin’ in the soup. You know what? I’m going to leave now and
discuss this with someone that I can actually relate to.”
“Oh, so they no longer segregate inmates and madmen from the rest of the
general populace?”
“Bite me.”
“I’ve already eaten, but thanks for the offer.”
“Leaving now.”
“Don’t dally.”
“Sayonara.”
“Anyeong-hi-kaseyo.”
“What was that?”
“Just goodbye. Nothing naughty.”
“Oh. Bye. See you at the briefing in a few.” | 